The comments that rapper Slim Thug made about Black women and relationships have been under heavy fire for the past week, and let's just say that Black women are livid.
In a nutshell, the rapper-turned-relationship-expert-extraordinaire compared Black women with White, and Black women came out on the bottom, per his opinion. But this is not all that is to be said on the topic. Here is the article for reference, then continue on to the rest of the blog:
First, those comments were Slim Thug's opinions on women, plain and simple. Yet it's lit a fire under Black women that seems impossible to quench - so intense is the anger. I doubt that it's because Black women everywhere are upset at the notion that they will never be a part of Slim Thug's life. I don't think that it's because their lot is the same when it comes to Slim Thug's brother who also won't date Black women either.
Is it possibly because it was WHITE women who were celebrated in this article compared to Black women? Jackpot!
The fact that Slim compared White women to Black women and drew the conclusion that White women were more desirable than they, is more than a Black woman can take.
I don't believe in extremes, so to credit all White women with the ability to treat their men right and to doom Black women as companions that will never get it right is wrong. And since I don't believe in extremes, I'm not about to flip the script and dog white women either. Slim's approach was less than tasteful, but sadly, there was a lot of truth in what he said. Before I dive into those treacherous waters, there is something that Slim left out. He brags about what his half-white girlfriend does for him; he boasts of his brother's taunts that "Y'all gotta go through all that shit but my White woman is fine;" but there is no mention whatsoever of what he is doing for his woman. More on that later. Let me dive.
I sincerely believe that Black women DO need to stand by their men more, and I'll explain what I mean. Don't conjure up images in your head of being a doormat because that's the exact opposite of what it means to stand by your man. Does this sound familiar? "I don't need no man to take care of me," "I pay my own bills boo boo," "Ain't no man gonna tell me what to do!" It's the ATTITUDE behind these words that I'm addressing. The ATTITUDE.
It's this I'm-A-Stong-Black-Woman syndrome that keeps pushing men away. It's a defensive attitude that makes it impossible for Black women to treat men right! Black women carry this attitude into a relationship, and the man can't be ... a man. This defensive woman is always ready for an attack to come her way even where there is none. Here's an example, a REAL example. A couple is out on a date; this is very early in the relationship. The date is over, and the guy pulls to the curb in front of the girl's house. He gets out and runs around to her side to open the door for her. Her reaction? He's holding out his hand for her to take it, and she goes, "You don't have to do that for me; I know how to get out of a car." DAMN! Let the man be a man. (See, she doesn't NEED a man; this is how it's manifest in little situations.) Black women are so "strong" they don't realize that they are hiding fear, disappointment, cynicism, hurt and bitterness and calling it strength.
We can't have it both ways. I've seen the reaction on the faces of Black women when a Black man enters a room with a White woman on his arm.
Here are the comments from the Black women. "He's only with her for status;" "He must be rich or something;" "He only likes her because she's white;" "She's only with him because he's rich;" "He's a sell-out." And they are literally MAD at this guy that they don't even know! Who he dates is his business. Period. And here is the double standard. Chances are that if that same guy tried to approach one of these sisters he'd get shot down if he wasn't tall enough; dressed well enough; wasn't driving the right car .... There are so many things Black men have to do and be before they are suitable. No wonder they're sick and tired!
Let me ask the ladies this question. What are YOU bringing to the table. I'm tired of the "My man ... "conversations. You know what I mean. "My man will do this; my man will do that." What will YOU do for YOUR man? What are you offering? Are you educating yourself? Are you taking care of your body? Are you an independent thinker? Are you a leader? Are you willing to pamper your man? What are your goals? Can you carry a conversation about life, politics, art, music, community? Are you humble enough to cook for him if he wanted, or is that another, "Ain't no man gonna tell me ..." Are you willing to let him be a MAN? There is a word Slim used: King. Are you willing to treat your man like a KING? We always want to be some kind of queen.
Well you're only a queen if you are with a king. Can you make him feel that way day in and day out just by your actions? Can you? Or will it be all about you and what you want?
The old pining, "There are no good men out there" is false. They're out there. Some of you just don't see it because your definition of a "good man" needs adjusting. You date the player with money, nice car, great house, he spoils you rotten with material things, then when he cheats on you your heart is broken and you cry "There are no good men out there!" You looked for the wrong things as your criteria. It's like this. Let's say that you think the color red is really called "blue" and you're looking for a red shirt. You will go shopping and stare at red shirts all day, and eventually cry, "There are no red shirts anywhere!" It's right in front of you but because you aren't programmed to see it as red, because you think it's blue, you miss out. Good men are right in front of you, but if you don't see money, status, a certain look, or hear the right lyrics, you miss out. Revisit your definition of "good man."
I was not born or raised in this country. I'm not American, but I have lived here for quite some time, and I can tell you that Black women in America are very, very different. Of course I haven't met all the African American women in this country, but of those I HAVE met, I found many of them to have a defensiveness when it comes to men. It's like them against the men! And I understand that it comes from past hurt, pain and disappointment, but if you remember anything at all from this blog, please remember this - you CAN have meaningful, loving and LASTING relationships with your men. And I mean drama-free, gentle, fun, healthy, exciting, loving and faithful relationships. My husband is African American and he is amazing! I suppose I got one of the "good men;" but my point is that there is nothing more beautiful to me than letting my man be a MAN, and because he is a real man, hey, I don't mind cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, meeting his needs, because a real MAN reciprocates it right back to you. He does the same and more for me. It works BOTH ways. And this is where I go back to Slim and his neglect to mention what HE brings to the relationship.
Slim-the-counselor says that relationships should be 50/50, yet his article celebrates only what the White women are doing! Slim what are you bringing to the table?
And I'm not talking about being a rapper and making money and wearing bling. A real man does not want his woman to be a doormat that waits on him hand and foot. A real man doesn't brag that his woman does whatever he wants. My dog can do that - he's very well-trained. A real man isn't happy with a partner who isn't his equal. A real man wants to walk side-by-side with his woman - Black or White - and enjoy the journey together. And a real woman won't step in front of her man, put her hands on him, belittle or disrespect him. But she doesn't walk behind him either.
Slim is also off on another point. He says that relationships should be 50/50. WRONG!! They should be 100/100 with each person giving his or her all to the other. If you are not complete in yourself, you won't be able to really give anything to another person. Instead you will drain them in attempts to find fulfillment in them.
I may not have liked the way that Slim spoke in his article, but it doesn't mean that a message wasn't in there. Cut through it all, and be honest with yourselves: Black women need to step up and be the women they are meant to be. The impression the world is getting isn't a favorable one. Things have to change and it starts with just one woman.
It starts with you.
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